Mein Vatter, Mi Padre, Mon Pére
by Antonia Stark-Bondevik
Summary: Prussia, Spain, and France are responsible? They've been taking care of a child for years? Who's the father? Actually, not even Marianne Reneé Beilschmidt-Bonnefoy-Carriedo knows. Rated T because we are talking about the BTT. Series of One-shots in the life of Marianne Renee! BTT-centric!
1. Marianne Renee Who?

**Title: Mein Vatter, Mi Padre, Mon Pére **

**Fandom: Hetalia **

**Rating: T **

**Summary: Prussia, Spain, and France are responsible? They've been taking care of a child for years? Who's the father? Actually, not even Marianne Reneé Beilschmidt-Bonnefoy-Carriedo knows. Rated T because we are talking about the BTT. **

**Warnings: A bit of OOC from our favorite immature nations, but only in the first few chapters (hopefully)**

**A/N: Strange brainfart I had while hiking. May be crack-y at some points...I quite like it, though. Enjoy, my minions. **

_**Igi: Oi, boys!**_

_**Prussia: *sighs* What now? You make us run around in circles for every one of your stories!**_

_**Igi: *insulted* Not every one! And be complimented! Besides, I gave you Marianne~**_

_**France: You know what would compliment me, mademoiselle-?**_

_**Igi: *unamused* Shut up, France. Oh, and Spain?**_

_**Spain: Siiiii?**_

_**Igi: My mom wants tomates...work on that, please?**_

_**Spain: Siiiii! *runs off***_

_**Igi: ...darn, I wanted him to do the disclaimer. Prussia?**_

_**Prussia: *groans* Fine. The-Goddamn-Iron-Girl does not own France, Spain, Hetalia, or the Awesome me!**_

_**Marianne: Yeah...I'm the only one who has to stay around here. **_

_**Igi: I created you, Marianne! Jesus Christ!**_

_**Marianne: Whatever...as long as Prussia Vatter, Spain Padre, and France Pére are here too!**_

_**Prussia: Duh. That wouldn't be very awesome, Marianne!**_

_**Igi: Have this convo later, guys. On with the show!**_

_Prologue- Marianne Reneé who?_

Now here we see the scene set in a situation so familiar: The Bad Touch Trio have gotten in trouble again. But this is no instance of general Fuckery. They haven't painted the walls, hacked Germany's slide show, or bugged anyone.

No, this time, there's a human in the conference room...and they seem to know about the nations. Granted, this little human is only eight or nine, but knowing about personified nations? How does that come about, exactly?

Another strange thing about this scene is that the Bad Touchers look...different. Not shameful. Mad. Protective. Who is this girl?

The first thing that the other nations notice is that she's the spitting image of Prussia. Spitting. Image. Same cocky smile, same eyes, same pale hair. She's wearing a red sweater and a pair of jeans. England is the first one to speak after France quiets her.

"Who are you?"

She looks him in the eye.

"You must be Herr England! I've heard so much about you! I'm Marianne. Marianne Reneé Beilschmidt-Bonnefoy-Carriedo."

The Bad Touch Trio's faces change to something akin to pride. England gives them a quizzical look.

"Explanations?"

In the corner, Hungary and Japan's Yaoi gears are turning. France kneels down to Marianne.

"Marianne, cher, allez attendre à l'extérieur."

Marianne looks worried, but she nods, exiting the conference room. France stands up.

"Four years ago, we were leaving a conference, oui?"

"Estaba lloviendo, so we took the subway."

"And zhis is vhat happened..."


	2. Just One Forgotten Girl

_Chapter 1- Just One Forgotten Girl_

Spain shakes the water off of his jacket. "Ay! Maybe we should just go back to the hotel, amigos?"

Prussia folds his arms. "Nein! You can't sit in that boring meeting all day then simply go back to the hotel, that's un-awesome!"

France wrings out some of his hair. "It's really raining up there, Prusse." He lifts his eyes into a dark corner of the station as small whimpers echo from the dank spot.

"You hear that too, cheries?"

Prussia and Spain silently nod. Ancient station lights flicker on.

The trio immediately note a girl with scruffy white hair curled up in the corner, shaking. Her hair is long, so long that they can't see much of her body.

"was ist los, Liebling?" Prussia says quietly. The girl looks up, and they all note that she's practically Prussia's double.

"None of your business, I'm doing awesomely thank you." she turns her head back and puts it on her knees.

"You don't sound awesome, mädchen. Do you need a place to stay? Where are you from?"

"I-I'm fine. My mommy says I'm Spanish, French, and that one I can't pronounce. Pee-ruh- no, Pah ruh- yeah, Pa-Russian. But it's none of your business. J-Just...go away..."

" are one of us. Not until you tell me what's wrong, mädchen."

"Why do you even care? Y-You may be like me, but n-nobody cares..." she curls up into a smaller ball.

"Out with it, tomate," Spain says firmly.

"M-My mother, s-she's really sick. I c-called the ambulance, b-but the paramedics w-wouldn't believe that I was her daughter, they wouldn't take me with them to the h-hospital, because I don't l-look like her..." the girl takes a deep breath. "I tried to get to the hospital myself, but I'm lost..."

"We can take you, cherie."

She stands up, but not fully. She is still hunched over, and her arms are wrapped around her. "T-Thank you."

_**A/N: In my headcanon, I imagine countries as having a soft spot for small things, especially children, as a subconscious envy of their innocence. Plus, She's SpanishPrussianFrench. That would be like personally leaving one of their innocent civilians to rot. Which even the BTT cannot do. Ok, back to the angst!**_

"Vamos." Spain pulls the small child into his jacket. "Now, where did they say they were taking your madre?"

"And more importantly," Prussia adds, "Where is your vatti?"

The small child shakes a bit. "I...I don't know. He left before I was born. My mommy...says that he was sweet, she just didn't tell him...and other than that, she doesn't say much."

"Como te llamas?"

"I'm Marianne."

"Vamos, Marianne. We will show you to the hospital, Si?"

"Ja."

"Oui."

The subway pulls in, and a robotic voice announces, "45th avenue to Teak street."

The trio pull Marianne into the empty subway.

Prussia pauses at this point in the retelling, England interrupts.

"So you just took her?"

"Non! We haven't finished telling yet, Angleterre!" France says, and he is angrier than anyone has ever seen him before, angry that England would imply such a thing.

"Do continue."

Prussia, Spain, France, and Marianne stand in front of the city's hospital.

"This is the place, right?"

"No se- it's not like we live here, amigos. But I think so."

They step in, and Spain goes over to the receptionist, who, is fortunately for almost, everyone, a guy.

While he has a "chat" with the unfortunate secretary, Prussia and France have a sneaking suspicion.

"Francis." Prussia beckons the Frenchman over into a corner.

"Are nations sterile? Do you know?"

"What?"

"Marianne..."

It takes France a minute to realize the basis for Prussia's suspicions. "Oh. Je ne sai." _**A/N: French fail!**_

Spain comes over, holding Marianne's hand. "Vamos. Room 124."

They head off up the hall.

Spain opens the door to room 124.

It's true, Marianne looks nothing like her mother. Her mother has dark hair and chocolate eyes. Prussia gulps slightly. Marianne runs over to the bed.

"Mommy!"

Her mother weakly opens her eyes. "Marianne." her eyes shift up to the background, where the Bad Touchers are standing. Her eyes widen.

"You came back. I knew I'd find you again someday."

All three flush. "Mademoiselle- which one of us are you referring to?"

Her mother doesn't respond. "Take good care of Marianne, will you?"

The machine emits a long, steady beep as her mother's heart stops.

The doctors rush in. Prussia pulls Marianne over and begins rapidly talking to France using what

little French he's learned over the years.

"Nous avons besoin d'un chèque de sang tout de suite, la France."

"Qu'est-ce?"

"You heard me. We need to Überprüfen Sie sie gegen unsere DNA, um herauszufinden, wer von uns die Frau zu reden!"

"Calm down, Prusse. We are in a hospital, non? We will ask the doctors."

France calls a doctor over and talks to him quietly for a bit before sending him off.

"He said he would do it. We will wait here with Marianne."

Nurses come by and take blood samples from all four of them. Then they wait. It is late, and Marianne falls asleep on France and Prussia, Spain is pacing. The doctor returns with the DNA results. He speaks quietly, as not to wake Marianne.

"Well, this is embarrassing. The DNA results have come back as a positive...but we don't know for who."

The BTT exchange a glance, speaking without speaking.

(**bold** is Prussia, _Italics_ is France, Underlined is Spain.)

**That's not awesome.**

_Oui, I agree, but what do we do?_

We cannot just leave the sweet little tomate if one of us is the father.

**That would be even more un-awesome.**

_Wouldn't responsibility legally fall to the biological father if he could be located, non?_

**One of us is the father, dummkopf!**

I think I know what France is getting at.

**What-? Nooooo. We can't. This is no general Fuckery offense, guys!**

_We may be nations, Prusse, but we can't be heartless._

***sighs* you're right. I wouldn't leave her anyway.**

So it is agreed?

_Agreed._

**Agreed.**

Prussia looks at the doctor. "We will be taking legal responsibility for the girl, Ja? Ja. Gut."

The doctor takes it all in stride and walks off.

"What should her last name be, amigos?"

"She's a Beilschmidt, through and through."

"Non, her silky hair makes her a Bonnefoy."

"I disagree with you all. She is a Carriedo."

They all look at Marianne.

"She is all three."

And thus was born Marianne Reneé Beilschmidt-Bonnefoy-Carriedo.

Prussia wraps up the retelling. Germany pales slightly, and Prussia notes this, grinning.

"Yup, West's ein Onkel!"

Hungary and Japan looks slightly disappointed.

So how did Marianne come into the conference room, and being raised by the Bad Touch Trio, how much chaos did she cause?

Marianne sneaks down the hallway. "Papan France always told me not to come in here, but what does he know?" she snorts. "I can do big, important things too! Kesesesese~"

A yell from the conference room draws her attention. The voice makes her smile. "Padre España!"

She charges towards the door, stopping to listen to what's being said.

"I wonder if Onkel Deutschland is in there. I haven't met him yet," she says quietly. There is some shouting in French. She reaches for the doorknob and slams the door open, doing her best impersonation of Prussia.

"SHOUT THAT I AM AWESOME, KNEEL DOWN AND CRYYY!"

She draws the attention of the countries, then runs up to France. "Papan France!"

France looks worried. "You shouldn't be here-"

"I know. I want to do big important things, like you and Padre España." France smiles slightly, and England stands up.

"Who is she?"


	3. Pranking Germany

_**A/N: SO MANY READS I FEEL LOVED ASDFGHJKL **_

_Chapter Two- Six Years After Marianne's "Debut" at the Conference_

You'd be a fool not to believe that France had given Marianne "the talk" in graphic detail as soon as she was old enough.

Of course, we are talking about France.

But Marianne and the BTT were headed to yet another world meeting. Marianne was a constant loiterer around those, like Prussia. She just put her headphones on, unless Prussia gave her what he called an AWESOME MISSION, which usually involved pranking another country.

Marianne sits down on the hotel bed. Prussia smirks.

"Oi, Mari!"

Marianne looks up. "Ja?"

"C'mere."

She walks over. "Que es esto, Vatti?"

"I have an AWESOME MISSION." Marianne grins. She loves getting in trouble, it's like breathing for her.

"Yeees, tell me more."

"So I had this great idea. I think you have the potential to get away with this one...prank West."

"Onkel Deutschland?"

"Ja."

"Anything specific?"

"Nein. Just make it good. Prove that my awesomeness and I have trained you well, right Mari?"

Marianne nods. Her gears are already turning. She pulls out her computer and starts to type...

"Ooh, I can do that, too. PRUSSIA!"

"Ja?"

"Get me those blackmail images of Germany's porn."

"Kesesesese~ I'm not sure what you're planning, but I like it, Leibe. I'll email them to you."

"Danke."

~next day at meeting~

Marianne sat down in her usual seat on the couch and pulled out her smart phone. She began to type, grinning. Prussia looked over at her and smirked. Marianne was always useful for spicing up a usually boring meeting. She was creative when it came to her pranks. She should be, she was raised by the BTT. France looked over at Prussia, figured that he had given Marianne a task to spice up the meeting, and smirked.

In fact, all of the BTT loved Mari's pranks.

Marianne looked up as Germany started his plan. She smirked and typed something into her phone. Prussia's phone made a small noise, his ringtone was Gilbird's chirp. He pulled it out.

**Text From Marianne (Awesome daughter)**

_From: Marianne _

_To: Awesome Vatter_

_I need a distraction. Alles gut? _

_Mari_

He smirked and texted her back.

_From: Awesome me_

_To: Marianne (Awesome daughter)_

_What kind of distraction, liebe? _

_Awesomeness out!_

Marianne's ringtone went off. She looked at her phone and texted back,

_From: Marianne_

_To: Awesome Vatter_

_Something Loud. If you brought a bullhorn, that would be brilliant. Make West come over there and tell you off, kay? It's only fair...I'm going to get in trouble too._

_Mari_

Prussia smirked.

_From: Awesome me_

_To: Marianne (Awesome daughter)_

_Brilliant. I look forward to your creative prank, Frau. Ich Leibe dich._

_Awesomeness out!_

Prussia went into his YouTube app and searched for something worthy. Ah, there it was.

Marianne smirked. She could figure what Prussia was about to do. She shot off another text.

_From: Marianne_

_To: Awesome Vatter_

_Plug it in to the speaker, if you can._

_Mari_

Prussia grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "Oi, West!"

Germany gave Prussia the evil eye. "What."

"So I found this awesome song on YouTube!" he stood up and plugged his phone into the speaker.

Guess what proceeded to blare out of the speakers.

A.) Prussia's MKC (Marukaite Chikyuu)

B.) 40 Mark Strasse

C.) Mein Gott

If you guessed C, congratulations! You are correct! Mari smirked and stood up in the chaos, walking over to the computer. She silently slipped a USB into the port, and walked back to the couch. Germany forced Prussia back to his seat, which began a smirking marathon from the BTT. Germany got nervous.

"What in ze hell have you three done?"

Mari smirked. "Ita! C'mere!"

"Ah! What is it, Mari? Ve~"

"Ok, so here's what I want you to do..."

She whispered something into Italy's ear.

"Ve~ Ok!"

Mari smirked and sent Ita off. She pulled on a string that ran across the conference floor and up to the ceiling, and...

A fuckton of water balloons fell on Germany. Prussia gave her a strange look. She motioned with her hands. "Distractions! So nobody would notice the mechanism!"

Germany facepalmed, Mari and Prussia were kicked out for the rest of the meeting, and Prussia gave Mari 50€ when they got home.

**A/N: Mari lives with Prussia and Germany now (coughcoughGERMANY'SBASEMENTcoughcough) but she used to live with Spain and France. Since Spain and France practically live at Germany's when they're not working, it works. **

**Prussia isn't very happy about having to share his basement, though...and Germany isn't happy there's another Prussia.**

**_Kesesesese~ You were expecting something big! And in that way, Mari pranked even the BTT. _**


	4. A Very Bad Touch Family Christmas

_A Very Bad Touch Family Christmas_

**A/N: Yes, I've come up with a name for BTT+Mari! The Bad Touch Family! Me gusta! Anyway, these are simply gonna be one-shots about Mari and the BTT. Enjoy their strange but fun Christmas. **

Mari rolled over and looked towards the couch. She had no objection to her three "dads" getting drunk, but honestly. Either Germany or she was going to have to clean it up. Preferably Germany.

At least they looked kind of kawaii together on the couch. Mari smirked and pulled out a camera.

"This one's going in the memory books."

~Christmas day~

They had all stayed in Germany's basement for Christmas eve, and they had a tree too. The basement wasn't all bad. Mari tossed a box to Prussia.

"Merry Christmas, old man," she said. Prussia smirked and opened the package.

"Aww, a good shirt, Mari. You do care."

The shirt simply had "Awesome shirt" written on it in Sharpie.

Mari snorted and handed one to France. "Use 'em well, old man."

It was a bulk box of condoms. Spain, Prussia, and Mari fell over laughing.

"Mari, how did you even-?"

"Don't ask."

Stares were exchanged. Mari tossed a box to Spain. "Feliz Navidad."

Spain tore open the wrapping paper. It was a packet of tomato seeds and a framed picture of Spain and Romano. Spain burst into a grin.

"Oi, how come he gets two things?"

"Because I couldn't decide which one he would like more," Mari said candidly.

"Hey, Mari, we got you a present."

"No fucking shit!" Mari said, in mock surprise.

"Kesesesese~ You will be surprised when you see it! We had to beg America, so I hope you like it!"

"What did you beg America for, exactly?"

"France! My awesomeness commands you to fetch my awesome present for Mari!"

France stood up. "I'll give you a hint, Mari-it's what you always wanted!"

He rushed out. Mari looked after him confusedly.

"The hell?"

France came back in, carrying a box. Mari looked at the box suspiciously when it shook and made a strange noise.

"Seriously guys, the hell is this?"

"Open it!" Spain said cheerily. Mari tore open the wrapping paper, and pulled the cardboard open.

"Oh my god, guys."

They smiled. Mari lifted a squirrel out of the box.

"Awesome!"

Mari smirked. "...squirrels hate birds, boys..."

Prussia shook his head. "Not this one! He was trained...nobody can annoy Junior!"

Mari lifted the squirrel and hung it around her neck like a scarf.

"Name...?"

Mari lifted the squirrel's head to look into its eyes. She smirked, studying its markings.

"Hmm...name..." Mari muttered, looking the snake over.

"Tomate."

"Jacques."

"Fritz."

_So predictable sometimes..._ Mari thought.

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy."

Mari thought a little bit more.

"How about Tempest?"

"Sounds formidably awesome!"

Tempest scurried down Mari's arm, and Mari giggled.

"Cmon, Temp. Let's go annoy Deutschland!"

_**A/N: Reviews are Prussia-awesome. Interesting fact: Tempest was originally a snake, then I decided to change it after seeing the most adorable chubby squirrels in Yosemite. **_


	5. Bad Touch Family Halloween

_Chapter Eight-Halloween Party!_

**A/N: Slight Mari x Austria and Mari x America. **

Mari adjusted her hood.

"Do I really have to wear a costume? They'll all know it's me. I'm the only one who looks like female Prussia."

France smirked. "Oui, it is a costume party, non?"

Mari sighed. "Fuck."

"Mari-chan, if I may ask...what are you dressed as?"

That's right, Japan was there. He was waiting for Germany to get ready.

"Hm? Oh, I'm a Jedi, Japan! I thought you liked that sort of thing?"

Japan nodded. "Hai, but aren't you missing a lightsaber, Mari-chan?"

"That's right! Prussia's got it!"

Japan stared. "I would be worried about your Lightsaber, Mari-chan."

Mari shrugged. "He's cool."

Prussia ran up out of the basement, holding Mari's lightsaber and wearing a scream costume. Mari snatched her lightsaber back.

"Well, a scream with a lightsaber is intimidating, but I can't be a Jedi without a lightsaber."

Prussia groaned and took off his mask.

"Aww, Mari! I wanted to borrow your lightsaber!"

"No. Non. Nein."

"Vamos!" Spain called. He was dressed as- wait for it- a tomato. He then proceeded to haul Prussia and Mari out the front door, calling "Adios, Japan! Hasta Luego!"

France smirked and followed.

Spain pushed Mari and Prussia into the car (Prussia's Mercedes SLK), France climbing into the passenger seat. Spain was driving.

"Vamos!"

Mari looked over at France. "By the way, la France, what are you wearing?"

France was dressed in what looked very feminine.

"I am a French nobleman from the good old days, oui?"

"More like noblewoman," Mari snickered, pushing back her Jedi hood.

"Hey!" France said, annoyed.

"So who's hosting the party?" Mari said, smirking at France's reaction.

"America- he knows scary things," Prussia said offhandedly. "But we hid his horror movies."

Mari rolled her eyes. "Good."

They fell silent as Spain drove, then Mari spoke up.

"Can we cause trouble?"

The BTT grinned.

_**A/N: I just thought of this, but I kind of picture Mari with certain similarities to the Norse god Loki. Clever, trickster, enjoys messing with people, unsure parentage. See what I mean?**_

"Course we can, little awesome!"

Mari and Prussia high-fived.

"The question remains, mes amis, what should we do?"

Mari smirked. "I had a plan. You know that America is terrified of ghosts? So here's what we do..."

Spain pulled up at America's house. The place was decked out like a haunted mansion, completely covered in spiderwebs. A few stray bats floated around the tallest point of the roof. Mari gasped.

"This...is...SWEET!"

France looked up. "Never underestimate the power of America's SFX department, oui?"

"Ja."

"Sí."

"You're telling me."

They walked up to the door, and it opened by itself. Prussia peered into the darkness.

"Oh, hello Canada."

France gave Canada a hug, causing the Canadian to blush.

"H-Hello Papa."

Mari gave Canada a hug, too.

"Bonjour, Canada nii-chan!"

"Bonjour, Marianne."

Canada gestured into the hall. "The party's down the hall on the left, ok?"

"Merci, Canada nii-chan!" Mari gave Canada a kiss on the cheek and took off down the hall, turning her glowing green lightsaber on.

The BTT smiled and turned to Canada.

"You're ready to help with our plan?"

"O-Of course. I don't understand why you'd want to embarrass Mari, though. She's so sweet..."

"Nein, we don't want to embarrass Mari," Prussia said, shaking his head. "She won't mind, though."

Canada nodded. "I see. Well, good luck."

"Oui. Au revoir, Canada."

The BTT headed up the hall towards the party room.

Mari snuck up behind America, holding her lightsaber.

"Hyaa!"

America jumped as the lightsaber hit him, but then pulled out a red one. Mari grinned and kept playing.

"A Sith! The dark side of the force will never win!"

America snickered. "Fight me, young Padawan!"

_**A/N: I know, America would probably be a Jedi but I just had this image in my head...**_

They engaged in a mock battle, Mari was winning when Austria and England pulled them apart.

"Aww, Danke einer Tonne, Österreich! I was winning!"

"Whatever," Austria muttered darkly.

"Keep it down!" England added. Both rolled their eyes.

"Sí."

"Aw, you're no fun Iggy! But fine."

"My name is England, for god's sake America..."

Mari wandered off as they started to argue again. Feeling someone watching her, she turned around but saw no one.

She didn't notice Austria watching her.

Austria was curious about Mari. She seemed to be so perfect a fusion of the BTT, but with just the right amount of Temperance. And he had long watched her grow into a rather beautiful teenager.

Not that Austria had a crush on his rival's daughter, or anything!

Austria blushed at the thought, and turned his attention to Hungary.

Mari wandered about the party, giving polite hellos to some other nations she knew, like China, Romano, and Hungary. Prussia was keeping one bloodred eye on her the whole time...until Canada enacted the first part of the plan, and hit the light switch.

In the chaos, Mari was shoved onto a nearby Austria. Prussia calmly turned the lights back on, and Austria pushed Mari off, blushing. Some people noticed, but not a whole ton because America was screaming something about a ghost. Mari smirked.

Halloween...

_**A/N: Yes, the BTT messed with Mari by pushing her into Austria, but the main intention was to embarrass Austria. **_


	6. Ich Liebe Dich, Te Amo, and J'taime

_Here is the Place Where Ich Liebe Dich, Te Amo, and J'taime (Young!Mari)_

**_A/N: Title from Hunger Games, translated by me. Apologies for language failures. Featuring Young!Mari! Idea slightly from Stormy Nights by darkmoonphase. Danke, gracias, and merci._**

Marianne pulled the blanket around her as the thunder cracked outside. She would deny it to the ends of the earth, but she had had another nightmare. She had been having them since her mother's death, they ranged from abandonment to fear of abuse. Mari had declined to state it, but her mother had once had an abusive boyfriend. He was run over by a bus.

She shivered as the thunder cracked outside.

She knew that Prussia's room was literally next door, but she couldn't help but be frozen in place by fear. Eventually, mustering her courage, she crept over to the door, opening it into the dark hallway.

Mari jumped and whimpered as a loud crack echoed through the basement. Her door slammed shut behind her, and she instinctively ran five feet over into Prussia's room.

She walked over to the bed, and Prussia sat up.

"Mari, liebe?"

"Y-Yeah," Mari said shakily.

"Come on in."

He lifted the covers, and Mari dove in, burying herself in the security and familiarity. She sat up, noting that Spain and France were there too.

"So Mari, Mein Vögelchen," Prussia said softly, stroking her hair. "What was it this time?"

Mari flushed. "N-Nothing, Danke."

Prussia nodded. "For all of us, liebe, it's a family trait to say you're ok when you're not. Don't go down that road, Ja?"

Mari nodded. "Yes."

She quietened, snuggling down into the warmth that smelled like tomatoes, roses, and beer. She let out a contented sigh.

"P-Prussia vatter, something is wrong. I had a dream that you had never come for me in the subway station," Mari sniffed. Prussia stroked her silver hair.

"But we did."

"I-I know. But it's the idea..."

France nodded. "C'est ok, ma chérie. Je comprends. Nous vous aimons, n'oubliez pas que."

Mari nodded, and all three enveloped her in a hug.

"Poco Mari, ¿quieres que mandemos a cantar para ti?" Spain said quietly. Mari nodded.

"De las sierras morenas, Cielito Lindo, vienen bajando

Un par de ojitos negros, Cielito lindo, de contrabando

Ay, ay, ay, ay canta y no llores

Porque cantando se alegran, Cielito Lindo, los corazones

Una flecha en el aire, Cielito Lindo, tiró Cupido

Él la tiró jugando, Cielito Lindo y a mí me ha herido.

De tu casa a la mía, Cielito Lindo, solo hay un paso

Ahora que estamos solos, Cielito lindo, dame un abrazo

Ay, ay, ay, ay canta y no llores

Porque cantando se alegran, Cielito Lindo, los corazones."

France picked up from there.

"Au clair de la lune,

Mon ami, Pierrot,

Prête-moi ta plume

Pour écrire un mot!

Ma chandelle est morte,

Je n'ai plus de feu;

Ouvre-moi ta porte,

Je suis très peureux!

Au clair de la lune,

Pierrot répondit:

"Je n'ai pas de plume,

Je suis dans mon lit;

Va chez la voisine,

Je crois qu'elle y est;

Car dans la cuisine,

On bat le briquet."

Prussia's turn.

"Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,

sie fliegen vorbei wie nächtliche Schatten.

Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen

mit Pulver und Blei: Die Gedanken sind frei!

Ich denke was ich will und was mich beglücket,

doch alles in der Still', und wie es sich schicket.

Mein Wunsch und Begehren kann niemand mir wehren,

es bleibet dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!

Und sperrt man mich ein im finsteren Kerker,

das alles sind rein vergebliche Werke.

Denn meine Gedanken zerreißen die Schranken

und Mauern entzwei: Die Gedanken sind frei!

Drum will ich auf immer den Sorgen absagen

und will mich auch nimmer mit Grillen mehr plagen.

Man kann ja im Herzen stets lachen und scherzen

und denken dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!

Ich liebe den Wein, mein Mädchen vor allen,

sie tut mir allein am besten gefallen.

Ich sitz nicht alleine bei einem Glas Weine,

mein Mädchen dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!"

_A/N: Good God. That is Prussia's personal theme song. _

Mari sighed quietly. She was asleep. Prussia turned to France and Spain.

"You know of that song that's really kind of popular, Ja?"

France and Spain gave him a confused look. Prussia just smiled.

"Here is the place where Ich liebe dich."

"Here is the place where j'taime," France added, catching on.

"Here is the place where Te amo."

"Gute nacht." Prussia said, laying back down. They all wrap their arms around Marianne, and each other.

_We love you, Marianne. Our Marianne Reneé._

_**A/N: Shameless, shameless fluff. PLEASE REPORT MISTAKES, because I used Google Translate and Wikipedia; AND I type these on my iPad. Danke.**_


	7. BTF Movie Night

_Bad Touch Family Movie Night...and a Little Accident_

Mari swooped up a bowl of popcorn and lay back on the couch.

"Papá España! Noche de película!"

Spain launched out of nowhere and onto the couch. "¡Fantástico! A quién le toca escoger?"

"Tuyo."

"Awesome! Movie Nacht?"

"Ja, Prußen Vatter," Mari said, as Spain searched the DVDs.

"Wo ist Frankreich?" _**Where's France?**_

"Keine Ahnung." Don't know.

"Droit entendre!" _**Right here!**_ France called, waltzing in in a way that can only be described as Francey. "j'ai entendu, c'était au tour de l'Espagne à prendre pour la nuit de cinéma!" _**I heard it was Spain's turn to pick for movie night!**_

"Oui." Mari responded.

"Magnifique!"

"Si! ¿Qué vemos?"

"Inception," Mari said.

"Nein. Ronin!"

"Non. Poltergeist!" France said, making a spooky face.

"No! It's my turn!" Spain yelled, then went back to shuffling through the films. "Que tiene on Netflix?"

"Umm...we have Thor..." Mari said, pulling at her memory. "Oh, and Iron Man Two!"

"Did America invade our Netflix?"

"No. I just have a soft spot for the Avengers."

"America has invaded your brain! Exorcism!" Prussia called, pouncing on Mari and pulling her up so France could put his hands on her head and started chanting in Latin.

"Sancta Dei Genetrix, amo rosas. Sunt es ita splendidis. et olfacies bonum, etiam. Similis me."

**_Holy mother of god, I love roses. They are gorgeous. And smell good. Like me._**

Mari shoved France off of her. "That's such a bogus exorcism chant!"

"What, you speak Latin ma Cherie?"

"Sort of. It's not that hard to figure out what you're saying, France pére."

"Merde."

Mari snickered. "You gave up all attempt to keep me innocent once I hit the double digits, didn't you?"

"Pretty much, liebe."

"I knew it!"

"Everyone does."

Mari rolled over, forcing France and Prussia to move over off of her. "True."

"So mon Marianne, can you go get the pizza? We left it upstairs."

Mari groaned. "Aw." she sat up and walked up the stairs. There was a cooling box of pizza on the counter, Mari began carrying the pizza back down the stairs. She took a misstep on the last stair and fell.

"Merde, Merde, Merde, shieße, Gottverdammt!" _**Shit, shit, shit, shit, god DAMN.**_

"Marianne? Qu'est-ce que c'était?" _**What's wrong?**_

"Eh bien, je suis tombé en bas des escaliers putain. Fuck-God Damn!" _**I fell down the fucking stairs.**_

"Vous amende?" _**You fine?**_

"Ow-pas. Je crois avoir entendu un craquement dans ma cheville..." _**Yes. I think I head a cracking noise from my ankle...**_

"A cracking sound? That doesn't sound good..."

France rushed in, and picked up Mari.

"La Prusse! Obtenez les bandages ACE!"

"Ugh, fine..."

France bandaged Mari's ankle, while Prussia got the fallen pizza.

"Vamos a ver Inception."

"Si!" Mari cheered, taking a bite of her pizza.

~half an hour later~

"Fucking god, how many dreams within dreams are there?"

"Gut Gott, it's like that creep Russia's Nesting dolls..."

"Mon dieu, it makes my gorgeous brain hurt..."

"DIOS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

"The fuck? He's crashing the car into the water? The fucking hell?"

"Nein, he's cutting the elevator-"

"Merde!"

"Dios mio!"

_A/N: I strained my ankle the same way Mari did the day I wrote this. I wish my family hadn't been all like "Rub some dirt in it, it's not even swollen..." _

_In other words, I wish they had given me a fuckload of bandages. _

_And I didn't swear in French, I just screamed, because I've never broken a bone before and I swear to Gott that I heard it crack. _

**_Or maybe I'm just wimpy..._**

**_NO BITCH, PRUSSIANS SHOW NO FEAR._**


	8. BTF Homeschool

___Bad Touch Family Homeschool_

**Part One- Sex Ed with France**

"All right," France said, grinning. "Now that you're old enough, mon petit Marianne, I need to talk to you about SEXUAL INTERCOURSE."

"What?"

"Sexual intercourse. See, **____****now be creative and insert some graphic perverted thing that you think France would say. Use the dark and perverted depths of your imagination****_._**"

"What!?"

"_****__**some random, extremely graphic Francey shit. seriously, you don't want to hear it. Unless you're French. But not many people want to seriously know how France explains Sex Ed down to the detail**__**.**_"

Mari nodded. "I see."

"Use Birth Control, Mari dear."

"Quoi?"

"Birth Control. **____****Use your imagination one more time, please? Because if I tried to even write it out I would have to change the rating to M, and nobody would like that. So please****_._**"

Mare cocked her head. "So...why would you have sex and try to prevent the babies?"

"Because sex is fun."

Seriously, you expected a different answer from France? We are talking about the same France, right?

**Part Two- P.E with Prussia**

"All right, liebe, what do you want to learn today? We still haven't covered hand-to-hand combat..." Prussia said, trying to convince Mari to attempt his favorite area of fighting.

"Since you've been begging...fine, we can do hand-do-hand. Just let it be known that I prefer bow and arrows, guns, or knives."

"Awesome!"

Prussia pulled out the mat. "All right, it's not awesome to kill, unless you have to. Incapacitating is always the best option. Knock them out, and make sure they're knocked out for as LONG AS POSSIBLE. Pressure points are the neck-" Prussia gestured to the appropriate areas. "Enough force there will cause your opponent to black out, ja?"

Mari nodded.

"So enough pressure on these points, the enemy passes out. simple."

"No, liebe, the trick is getting in the position to hit those areas."

She nodded.

"So, you see, the point is to get into a favorable position."

"I see. So if I was to twist you like this-" Mari ran around behind Prussia and jumped on his back- "I could take my left hand, using the right one to hold on, and WHAM! Pressure point?"

"Haha, yeah, you got it, liebe. There's other points, but only the ones on the neck really knock you out."

"I see." Mari hopped back down off of Prussia.

"See these tendons here, on your arm?" Prussia held out his own arm. "Dig your fingernail into there. That's a point. And the funny bone- it's a really hard one to hit, but if you can, it'll help. And right here, on the jaw-" Prussia rubbed a spot- "That will cause instantaneous knockout or disorientation if hit hard enough."

"Ja. This is really interesting..."

"That's why I love it so much!"

"All right, so..." Mari gestured to all the spots Prussia had pointed out.

"Perfect, liebe!"

**__****A/N: Totally jellyfish of Mari's P.E class. I wanna learn pressure points, hand to hand, and awesome things like that.**

**Part Three- Spanish with Spain**

_**A/N: Translations below!**_

"Padre España, Hoy he aprendido acerca de los puntos de presión de Prusia Vatti!"

"Ha estado esperando a que te enseña eso. es su favorito."

"Yo tenía un montón de diversión! y Francia Pére dijo que está haciendo la cena esta noche!"

"Bueno, ha sido a su vez de Gilbert demasiadas veces. Estoy harto de salchichas y patatas."

"¿Qué? ¡Me encanta! pero me encanta la comida y la comida Francia Pere también!"

"Eso es lo que te pasa por crecer con Prusia, cariño. ¿Quieres churros?"

"Síí!"

"Yo los hice mientras estaba con Gilbert, por lo que todavía está fresco!"

"Gracias!"

"Marianne, ¿qué piensa usted que yo pueda hacer Lovinio?"

"Hmm? Mmn. Bueno, la mejor cosa que puedes hacer es tratar de que no lo cambie! que no le gustaría eso! y secretamente le gusta que alguien se preocupa por él más de Feliciano, aunque no lo dice."

"Gracias, Marianne. Sólo quiero Lovinio saber que me preocupo por él. Quiero decir, que lo crió."

"Bueno, ahora me estás levantando...pero Lovinio debe saber que usted realmente se interesa."

"Tienes razón."

**__****A/N: Yep, her Spanish class is a massive conversation entirely is Spanish. The weird thing is, I actually wouldn't like that. I'm better at writing languages than saying them, and I'm socially awkward. :| unless the conversation is with Spain! In which case, where do I sign up? *BTT fangirl***

_**The Conversation:**_

_**Marianne: Spain Padre, today I learned about Pressure points from Prussia vatti!**_

_**Spain: He's been waiting to teach you that. It's his favorite. **_

_**Marianne: I had a lot of fun! And France pere said he is making dinner tonight!**_

_**Spain: Well, it was Gilbert's turn too many times. I'm tired of sausages and potatoes.**_

_**Marianne: What? I love it! But I love your food and France pere's food too!**_

_**Spain: That's what you get for growing up with Prussia, honey. Do you want Churros?**_

_**Marianne: Yess!**_

_**Spain: I made them while you were with Gilbert, so it's still fresh!**_

_**Marianne: Thank you!**_

_**Spain: Marianne, what do you think I can do about Lovinio?**_

_**Marianne: Hmm? Mmn. Well, the best thing you can do is try not to change him! He wouldn't like that! And secretly, he likes it if someone cares about him more than Feliciano. But he doesn't say. **_

_**Spain: Thank you, Marianne. I just want Lovinio to know that I care about him. I mean, who raised him? **_

_**Marianne: Well, now he's grown up...but Lovinio should know that you really do care.**_

_**Spain: You're right. **_


	9. The Bad Touch Family's Personal Holidays

___Bad Touch Family Occasions_

___**A/N: Just a little note from Mari's perspective noting the occasions honored by the Bad Touch Family...in addition to regular holidays.**_

Days to Leave Alone (these dates usually warrant massive nighttime family sessions):

**Number One- May 30**

Death date of Jeanne D'Arc...

France Pére doesn't like to talk on this day. He'll just disappear for the whole day, and he won't talk much. Prussia Vatter and Spain Padre say that he didn't use to disappear...once they even said that I might remind him of Jeanne. So I just steer clear of it.

**Number Two- February 25**

This is, as I learned during a particularly touchy moment, the anniversary of the dissolution of Prussia. We treat it like a funeral, every time. I wear black eyeshadow, and all black, no matter what- even down to my underwear. Other people think it's weird, but I don't.

It's the day my father "died". I think I have all rights.

**Number Three- August 17**

Death of Fredrick the Great, Prussia Vatter's close friend...

I remember, a couple years ago, Prussia Vatti got drunk this day, and told me that "Old Fritz" (his friendly nickname) would probably get along with me. Coming from him, that's a compliment, even though he hardly speaks a word about the man anymore.

They say he used to brag about him all the time, before the dissolution...

**Number Four- May 2**

France pére and Spain padre don't talk to each other on this day. Prussia Vatti said it's because they had a horrible fight a long time ago today. So we just honor them by leaving them in their rooms and go for ice cream or something.

Days To Celebrate:

**Number One- February 12**

Spain padre's birthday! We usually take him to see bullfights- it's a dying sport, but it's one of his oldest traditions. He loves it to no end.

Then we go muck about and annoy people! That's pretty much what we do for every birthday, though.

**Number Two- July 14**

France pere's birthday! We get him a nice bottle of vintage wine, and something sex-related as a joke. We go to see a some French plays he adores, then we go muck about.

**Number Three- January 18**

Prussia Vatti's birthday! We celebrate with some German beer, nice wurst, some Austria bashing, and running from Hungary. We also bug Germany uncle, too.

**Number Four- October 23**

MY birthday! I usually get spoiled rotten with presents, get TONS OF CAKE, do some friendly pranking, and fall asleep on the couch with my Vatti, padre, and pére.

_**A/N: Just wanted to say DANKE DANKE DANKE for all the reviews! I've been working on some more action in Mari's cue eyebrows romantic life...but that's a story for another time. Until next time...THANKS A MILLION! This is my second most popular fanfic. DANKE GRACIAS MERCI.**_

_**~Toni**_


	10. Marianne, Tsundere

___Mari...Tsundere?_

___**A/N: YES. As requested, more Mari x Austria action. (Longer A/N at the end because I don't want to keep you from enjoying the story.)**_

Mari was home alone, with the sickness Prussia had given her. They had given Austria a call to keep an eye on her, but he still hadnt arrived yet. She was watching television and eating ice cream when there was a knock at the door. ___Österreich?_

She opened the door. Yep, Austria.

"Oh, *cough cough* Hello, *cough* Austria," Mari said, grateful that the fever covered up her blush. See, not too long ago, Mari had realized that she had a special sort of feeling for Austria. She refused to admit that it was love, no, she couldn't fall in love with a Prussian's worst Rival! Never! So she just filed it under "He's really not that bad".

"Ja, hello Mari."

"Come in, *cough cough* they know I'm not a child anymore *cough* and I can take care of my-*cough*self, right?"

"Ja, but you're sick."

"I can still cake care of myself." Mari replied stubbornly.

"Fine. Then go lay back down," Austria said.

"I *cough* bloody well will!" Mari muttered, shuffling back over to the couch facing the television and picking up her ice cream. Austria sat down on an armchair in another room and dozed off. He had skimped on doing his paperwork, and had ended up staging up late to get it all finished.

He woke to Marianne screaming.

"Holy mother of GOD! IT'S CHOPPING HIS FUCKING HAND OFF!"

"What are you even watching?"

"It's called Supernatural," Mari responded shakily. "The plumber just got his hand chopped off by the garbage disposal. And there was actual blood effect."

Austria shivered. "Why are you even watching things like that? It's not proper!"

"Listen, Specs, proper went out of fashion a long time ago. And this is the only time I've ever scrammed at this show."

Austria flushed, half out of anger, half out of embarrassment. "Hmph," he muttered, running his hands through his dark hair. "Well, I'm coming in there with you at least."

He couldn't tell that Mari flushed horribly. "Aw, no, _Specs__..."_

Austria ignored her and stood up, walking into her television room. There was only one couch, and it was a loveseat. He flushed himself. Mari sat up, opening up a spot for him. He took it, and she leaned on him, playing the television show. "Right, so they have to clear the evil spirit out of the house."

Austria snorted. "It figures that this is American."

"Absolutely." the show continued, with Austria putting his arm around a Romano-caliber-blushing Mari. It didn't show as much as it would usually, though, because her face was already red. She thanked her lucky stars.

God, boys were so oblivious sometimes...but then again, Mari was in denial. At least Austria realized he liked her.

He moved to sit up. "I brought some tea that England gave me as a present a while ago. Would you like some?"

Mari blushed. "How old is it? But yes...I would like some."

He went into the kitchen. She flopped back down on the couch and rolled her face into the pillow.

___Goddammit. I can't possibly have a crush on Specs, but why doesn't my mouth want to work any way but snarky when he's around? Some people get tongue tied, I get sarcastic. Maybe I'm what Japan calls a tsundere._

she picked up her nearby iPod and plugged it in, pausing the TV to listen to Tongue Tied by Grouplove.

_Dammit...do I really have a crush on Specs? Why am I even thinking of this? Specs? Seriously?_

The song ended, and Mari played the TV, still mashing her face into the cushions. Austria returned. "I know you're sick, but sit up. It's not ladylike."

Mari immediately did what she meant not to. She rolled her eyes, taking the tea, and said, "Being ladylike is overrated."

___Mouth may go die in a hole now._

Austria sat back down.

___What do I even see in her, anyway..._

He shook his head and put his arm around Mari again.

_**A/N: REVIEW RESPONSE TIME. I've been meaning to...**_

_**BTTFangirl14: HELLO! *grins* When I noticed you reviewed this story, it totally made my day~ and ja, the BTT are not just Hot Perverts...they are definitely hot perverts, but not just hot perverts. And I think they secretly care much more than they let on...(That's why, in the story above, Marianne [raised by the BTT] shares that quality.)**_

_**Apparently I'm not the only one who could totally see this happening to the BTT! :D Absolutely. Because they're perverts, of course! **_

_**I love the BTT with a passion, and I love writing about them like this too. All right...long A/N is long. Bye!**_

_**~Toni **_

_**P.S! If you're a fan of the BTT (like me!) check out my other story, Ask a Bad Toucher... Guaranteed lolz. And Romano. **_


	11. My Nightmares

___**My Nightmares (Young!Mari)**_

___**A/N: All right! This one features Young!Marianne and Austria! (Just a bit of platonic fluff- a sort of a pre-romance thing.)**_

9-year-old Marianne sat bolt upright, scream catching in her throat.

She had had a horrible nightmare where her "family"- The BTT and their affiliates- had left her. She swallowed, slowly rolling out of her bed and walking up the stairs to the main floor.

Prussia was...out, that much she knew. Her mother had spent many nights out like this. She could take care of herself then. But...maybe Germany would be willing to do what was usually Prussia's job?

___**A/N: My official explanation for Mari's mother's death was that she was a prostitute, caught HIV/AIDS then Pneumonia.**_

She looked through the dark house.

"G-Germany?"

She crept upstairs to the second floor, tiptoeing over to Germany's room and quietly pushing the door open.

~Following Austria~

Austria had had to stay at Germany's place that night as Marianne's unofficial babysitter, even though she was already asleep.

Prussia and Germany had been coerced (read: forced) to go have a night with the Italy brothers, so they had gotten Austria to keep an eye on Mari. He sighed and rolled over in Germany's bed. He was only in Germany's bed in the first place because most of the heater was broken. A small thump from the hall drew his attention. The door creaked open, a shivering Mari looked in at him.

"O-Oh! My apologies, Herr Österrich! I-I was looking for Germany..."

Austria sat up.

"No, it's fine. Germany is out with Prussia. What's wrong?"

Mari looked down. "N-Nothing. I apologize for waking you up, Austria..."

Austria cocked his head. Something was obviously wrong, anyone could see it. But then again, Mari was raised by Prussia. She would deny that something was wrong until her arms were cut off, and maybe even beyond that, like England's Black Knight from that Monty Python whatever he so enjoys.

"No, something is obviously wrong, Marianne. They left me in charge of you, so come on."

Mari rubs her arms and shivers a bit. "...I had a nightmare."

Austria smiles a small smile. She reminds him of young Italy.

"Come in."

Mari shuffles into Germany's room. Despite the heat, she's still shivering. Austria picks her up and puts her in the bed.

"What was your nightmare about?"

Mari shivers once more. "I-I had a dream that Prussia Vatter, Spain padre, and France pére left me."

Austria smiles again. _The Bad Touch Trio may be...immature, but they have managed to raise this girl moderately well...an accomplishment, even for them._

Austria pulls Mari into a hug.

"It's ok, Marianne. Prussia and Germany are in a meeting with Italy and Romano."

Stretching the truth a bit, but certainly not a lie.

"I-I know."

Austria lets her slide under the covers next to him. She is small, he notes.

"Marianne?"

"Sí?"

"Prussia may be a demon douche...but he has been a good father to you," Austria said quietly, and he meant it. Mari rolled over and looked at Austria.

"I have a question. If America's curl is Nantucket, Romano's is Sicily, and I don't know what Italy's or Canada's is, what's yours?"

Austria flushed.

"U-Um, it's Mariazell."

Mari reached up and pulled on it. Austria turned a shade of red equal to one of Spain's Tomatoes. Mari shifted her gaze and dropped her hand back down.

"I-I'm sorry. Do you not like that?"

Austria heaved a sigh of relief. "It would be better if you didn't, ja Marianne?"

Mari nodded, pushing herself into Austria's side and letting out a tense breath. Austria's heart twisted. Poor Marianne. ___Now I understand why those three idiots couldn't leave her in the subway tunnel._

Austria wrapped his arm around Marianne and shut his eyes.

~Extended Ending~

Prussia snuck up the stairs. Mari wasn't in her bed, so he supposed she had gone upstairs to find Specs. He opened the door to Germany's room, and noticed Marianne cuddled up to a sleeping Austria. He smiled, and climbed in on the other side of the bed, stroking Mari's silver hair.

___I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Marianne. But at least you're ok._

_**A/N: Review Response! **_

_**Linale Ashley M: I really have no idea why I paired Marianne and Austria...but I did, and I think it fits. I'm glad someone likes it ^_^ (And, I mean, Austria isn't one of my favorite characters or anything! My brain is strange...) **_

_**Over 1000 hits! Making this the second most popular story. Apparently people like the BTT **_

_**XD **_

_**~Toni **_


	12. J'taime, Mon Petit Marianne

___J'taime, Mon Petit Marianne (Young!Mari)_

___**A/N: I will make this France-centric. I will make this France-centric. I will make this France-centric. Note that this is set BEFORE Chapter one in the timeline, so Mari is still living with Spain and France. WARNING: Copious amounts of FLUFF. Almost pure fluff, in fact. Oh, well...a lot of these are, anyway. XD**_

___**Genie**____**ß**____**en sie~**_

Marianne ran up to him, holding some roses from his bushes.

"Papa France! je sais que vous aimez les roses!" _**I know you love Roses!**_

France smiled. "Merci, Marianne. Savez-vous où l'Espagne est?" _**Do you know where Spain is?**_

Marianne nodded. "Il a dit qu'il allait rendre visite à Romano." _**He said he was going to visit Romano. **_

France nodded. "Merci."

Marianne took off for a tree, swarming up it like a squirrel. ___Mon petit écureuil..._

She had reached the highest branch, and she was laughing.

"Ce fut le temps le plus rapide encore, papa!" _**That was the fastest time yet, papa!**_

"Bon travail, Marianne!" _**Good job, Marianne! **_France called, smiling. Marianne lay down on the branch.

Spain was visiting Romano, Prussia was busy, so it was just them.

Marianne swung down from the tree. "You know what I want? I wanna learn how to fight!"

France smiled. Marianne had always been a strong girl, insisting that she didn't need any protection from others. ___How like la Prusse._

But there were times when France remembered that she was French, too. Like when he helped her to cook.

"Je suis sûr que la Prusse sera prêt à vous enseigner ce que vous voulez savoir, Marianne," _**I'm sure Prussia can teach you what you want to know, **_he responded offhandedly.

"Awesome!" Marianne cheered.

France absently keeps an eye on her as she runs around, fighting imaginary enemies.

"Hyaa! Nobody can defeat my awesomeness!"

France smiles. He goes inside, turning in the doorway.

"Marianne, chère, que voulez-vous pour le dîner?" _**Marianne, dear, what do you want for dinner?**_

"Il n'a pas d'importance, la France de papa! aussi longtemps que il ya beaucoup de lui!" _**It doesn't matter, France papa! As long as there's a lot of it!**_

France smiles and walks inside. "Now, where did l'Espagne put his recipe for Tortillas..."

_**A/N: Ah! I love the Fatherly!BTT! AWESOME! **_

_**Review response time, da~?**_

_**Laurenbeenie: Thank you~ I do my best. I'm working on the first actual Mari x Austria, where she FINALLY realizes that she likes him, but I have a horrible lack of inspiration. It's progressing, but slowly. T_T**_

_**Linale Ashley M: I SIMPLY COULD NOT RESIST. I'm such a FrUKing pervert. XD**_

_**Curl countries FTW! America, Canada, Romano, Italy, Austria, and Norway UNITE! Kesese. **_

_**I probably will. Mari hasn't actually applied thought to it, because if she did, she'd probably figure it out. She just chooses not to care. :D **_

_**All RIGHT! Done! **_

_**~Toni **_


	13. Finally, Ich Liebe Österreich: Act One

_Finally, Ich Liebe Österreich_

_**((A/N: Oh god. *headdesks* I've had this written for a while in my notebook but had too much Math to type it up. Well, the chapter test was today [9/12/2012] and I figured, why not? So FINALLY...here goes. Longer A/N at the end, don't wanna keep you from the action! :D))**_

Marianne sighed, standing on the doorstep of the only person she knew who could solve her little Austrian problem.

"Szia?"

"Um, guten morgen Hungary," Mari said nervously. "I need your help with a...well, I suppose it could be called a girl problem..."

"Really? Your father isn't around, is he?"

"Non, they don't know I'm here."

"Come in."

"Danke," Mari said, stepping inside.

"So then," Hungary said, shutting the door. "What's the problem?"

Mari sighed, brushing silvery hair out of her face and sitting down on Hungary's couch.

"It's about Austria," she began uncertainly. "Whenever I'm around him, all I want to do is radiate sarcasm. But he makes me...blush a lot und stuff."

Marianne's speech patterns were slipping into languages she had learned to use better than English.

"Hm," Hungary said noncommittally, trying to hide a smile. "Anything else?"

"Ja, he...I dunno...he makes me feel kind of safe und stuff. Je ne sais quoi?"

"Heh...Marianne, have you considered whether or not you have a crush on him?"

"¿Qué? Of course," Mari replied. "But there's no way in heaven und hell that could be real...ja?"

"Well, heaven and hell are strange places," Hungary responded mysteriously, then she cracked a smile. "I hear that the English are the cooks down there."

Mari snickered lightly. "But...seriously though, how could I have a crush on Austria?"

"Well," Hungary said thoughtfully. "There's tons of internet quizzes I could test you with..."

Mari shook her head. "Oh no. Internet quizzes are so inaccurate, und-"

"Ah!" Hungary cut her off. "I'm not going to be mad at you if you do. Come on."

Hungary sat Marianne down at a computer, leaning across the keyboard and clicking a bookmark..

"Pero-"

"Nope," Hungary said. "You're taking the quiz, even if I have to get my frying pan."

Mari made a small "Eep!" Noise. "Fine." she said, out of fear of the frying pan. The teenager took the mouse into her hand and started the quiz...

~Later~

"Quoi?! C'est impossible!"

Hungary grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Congratulations, Marianne. Austria's a sweet guy."

Mari snorted. "I. Have. Feelings. For. Specs. That do not involve intensely disliking!"

Hungary glared. "You're ruining the moment, Marianne."

Hungary's doorbell rang. The owner of said doorbell rushed over and looked out the peephole. Then, she giggled.

"Guess who it is~!"

"Merde!" Marianne cursed, opening Hungary's window and slipping out. "I was never here if specs asks, ja?"

Hungary waved, and Marianne dropped down into the garden.

Hungary opened the front door for Austria.

"Szia!" she greeted cheerfully.

"Did I hear Marianne Renee 'Bad Touch Trio' in here?" he asked. "I hope she wasn't annoying you."

Hungary put on a confused face. "Marianne Beilschmidt-Bonnefoy-Carriedo? No, she wasn't here."

"Oh," Austria said, looking sort of disappointed. "I could have sworn I heard her, und I even heard the mädchen call me specs." He shuddered. "Apparently I am hallucinating now."

Hungary smirked deviously. It was like orchestrating Yaoi, but with straight people. (Actually, it had been posited by more than one country that Austria might be Bisexual.)

"She is kind of sweet, though," The Austrian acquiesced.

"Yes, she is," Hungary replied. And the woman had known Austria long enough to notice the blush invading his face and know, even without asking, that the Austrian standing across from her had a crush on the sixteen-year-old Marianne Renee Beilschmidt-Bonnefoy-Carriedo.

Marianne, on the other hand, returned to her home for the afternoon.

"Hola, Padre!"

Spain looked up from his- wait for it- tomatoes.

"Hola, tomate~!"

"Was ist los, liebechen?" Prussia asked as he came around the corner holding a water gun. "The awesome me is having a water fight with Frankreich, you in?"

Mari gave a quicksilver grin. "Course I'll side with mein awesome vatti!" she said, grabbing the hose. "Frankreich doesn't stand a chance compared to our combined awesomeness, ja!"

"Onhonhonhonhon~!"

Mari wheeled on the spot, soaking France with the hose. "Kesesesesese~! Wake up earlier to outsmart a Prussian, pere!"

"Something wrong, mi churrito?" Spain asked suddenly. Marianne thought of her Austrian problem.

_Whatever I do, they cannot know yet._

"No, nothing Padre!" Mari said, spraying France as he tried to launch another sneak attack. "Nothing at all."

Prussia shrugged. "Less talking, more winning, ja!"

Marianne grinned, raising her hose in the air. "For Prussia! Preußen! Prusse! Prusia!"

Prussia sprayed France, who didn't waste the chance to rip his shirt off and chase Prussia around the garden, said Prussian "Kesesesese~"ing madly. Mari broke them up by soaking France's pants.

"Ohonhonhonhon, mon petit Marianne is taking after me, Prusse~!"

Mari blushed embarrassedly, soaking France again when he tried to take off his pants.

"Pere!" she exclaimed, slightly flustered and annoyed.

"Ah, mon petit, you're going to have to see a man naked some day. Even better if it is your magnificent pere, non?"

"NON," Mari said firmly. "Keep your pants on, Frankreich pere, bitte."

France sighed. "Fine~"

Marianne's French mind had already taken her to perverted Austria thoughts. She flushed and gave France an extra spray out of annoyance.

"Quoi?" France complained. "What was that for, mon petit chou?"

"Because," Marianne said, grinning slyly. France lifted his water gun.

"Mon petit chou, one does not simply spray your pere without punishment."

"You'll have to catch me for revenge, pere~!" Mari declared, smirking. She darted off, laughing. France smiled.

"She thinks we can't notice, but...mon petit Marianne in l'amour! I've raised her so well!"

"Hold up," Prussia said. "Mari in love? How can you tell something like that?"

"Prusse, I am the country of l'amour."

"Recht, recht, but who would the mädchen even have a crush on?"

France shrugged. "Je ne sais, but I can always tell when l'amour is in the air~!"

Prussia rolled his eyes. "Ja, ja, when you get more proof show it to me."

"Si," Spain concurred. "The chica cannot love someone, can she? Bien, she can. Pero-! We also cannot say she does without proof."

France sighed. "Oui, oui, but I still believe that mon petit chou has a special man~"

"Un hombre?" Spain responded. "Quien es, Francis? A human? Probably not. If not, then a nation. Which nation? No, all of them see her as una pequeña chica. There's nothing aqui."

"Ja, if Mari has a boyfriend mein name ist nicht Gilbert Beilschmidt!"

"Fine, fine," France finally acquiesced. "I will not make such claims without proof, oui?"

"Ja, ist gut."

Mari looked out the upstairs window.

"Have you given up, pere?"

"Non!" France called. Mari grinned and began pelting the BTT with water balloons; while shouting out the French Taunting scene from Monty Python with a few "Kesesesese~!"s thrown in.

Finally, the BTT surrendered to Mari's water balloon might.

"Mon petit chou, I have one question," France said as they sat down to dinner. Spain and Prussia had compromised on Wurst and Paella. (Hey, don't knock it until you try it.)

"Oui, pere?" Mari said sweetly.

Prussia caught on to what France was about to ask.

"Frankreich, nein-"

"No-" Spain began as he, too, caught on. France finished the sentence anyway.

"Do you have amour for anyone, Marianne?"

Mari flushed brightly. "N-Non, I mean, nein, I mean, NO!" she said nervously.

France smirked. "Mon petit, do not lie about l'amour! Have I taught you nothing?"

Mari chuckled nervously. "Who said anything about lying, pere?"

"OK, now I can tell that you're lying mein schmetterling."

"Si. Churrito, you can tell us!"

"N-Non!" Marianne blushed. "I...It's just a crush, I can't really love him, can I? It's HIM! I don't love him! I'm not lying, pere!"

"Quoi? Who, petite papillion?"

"I won't say- nein, I can't say! I don't like him! Blame Hungary's stupid online quizzes! I don't like anyone, pere, and that's final."

"Mon petit! Amour is a beautiful thing! Now tell me, who are we speaking of?"

"Ja, liebe. As your awesome vatti, I need to know these things."

"Nein! It feels so wrong, it feels like betrayal-"

Prussia pulled Marianne into his arms, and buried his head in her silvery hair.

"Liebe, we will always love you. No matter what, ja?"

Mari wrapped her arms back around Prussia.

"No matter what, Vatti? Because...I think that I may or may not have a crush on..." Mari gulped and looked into Prussia's eyes.

"...Austria."

_**((A/N: HAHAHAH CLIFFHANGER. Derp. Sorry this took so long...I had this for a while but Math Homework was beating me into the dust. T_T. ALL IST RECHT, JA? Coming soon...Part Two, featuring the BTT's reactions! Derp once more, see ya! ~Toni.))**_


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